Phew, what a day. Yesterday was my 2 month birthday and, as if that wasn’t enough of a milestone, my parents decided to kick me out! No, not out of the house. What are you thinking, I’m a BABY! They kicked me out of their room. I was in a little bassinet at the foot of their bed, but last night I fell asleep and next thing I know, I’m awake in my very own room. This place is pretty sweet, let me tell ya. It’s got pictures of Disney™ characters and a bunch of mouse ears all over the place like polka-dots….is it polka-dots or poka-dots? I don’t know, I’m just a baby….cut me some slack.

Anyway, long term plans involve knocking out the back wall to make room for a plasma and maybe some sort of jetted-tub in the back corner. I’d also like to get a fridge with one of those water dispensers, except instead of water I’d hook it up so it gave me milk. My goal is to get on MTV cribs…by the way, that crib slang really threw me for a few days.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED???? So I go to this guy…the doctor. He seems really nice, but then the next thing you know they STICK ME WITH A NEEDLE!!!!! I’m totally serious…a needle! Who does that? Who sticks a piece of sharp metal into a baby!!!!???

This guy seemed pretty nice before but I’m really starting to wonder about him. I’m making it known right now that if something should happen to me you need to investigate this guy “the doctor”, IF that is his real name.

Well that should do it. I’m all potty trained today. Now I know this may sound like a shock to you adults, but to all the infants out there, they know exactly what I’m talking about. Yeah, sure I could let my parents know when I needed to go to the bathroom and I could hold it, but I’ve got a good thing going here. I can poop whenever I want, pee whenever I want and someone else has to clean it up. Think about how awesome that is. Why would I want to give that up? So I pretend like there’s nothing I can do about it, and every now and then, I pee on them just to reinforce it. Maybe when I’m a little older I’ll let them know just so they can save some money on diapers and buy me a car in about 15 years. 

Why does it seem like everythings happening about an hour sooner that it should?

Well it was another milestone for me today. I graduated from the newborn diapers to size 1. It’s official, I think I’m getting old. I’m going through some kind of 1/75th life crisis. All of a sudden I want to get something pierced or tattooed. The problem is you need your parents permission when you’re this young and somehow that defeats the purpose. I’m thinking about getting one of those souped up, Japanese sports strollers, and maybe cruise by the maternity ward to pick up some younger chicks. Speaking of size 1 diapers, I think I just filled mine. Time to get Mom’s attention. 

I’m coming to the realization that my parents have no idea what they are doing. I’ve looked around (for the few seconds I can lift my own head) and I haven’t seen any other babies around here. I don’t think these people have ever even handled another baby. Don’t get me wrong, they seem really nice but when I start crying it’s like they don’t even get what I want. I’m wet, they stick a boob in my mouth, I’m hungry and they change my diaper. It’s like, c’mon people! If I’m off base here let me know, I just think if people are going to take care of babies they should know what they’re doing.

Well, it’s been about 3 hours since I last slept and I’m seriously tired. I think I’ll go to sleep for 20 minutes and then wake up again. More later.

I apologize to all of my fans who have been checking the site and waiting for me to do something with it. It has taken me quite a while to learn the english language, longer for me to learn to type (what’s with the mixed up keys anyway), and even longer to learn HTML. I think I’m off to a rather good start though and I’m ready to start composing my thoughts on life.

Please keep in mind that I’m still learning (I’m only a month old). Please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors you may catch. I don’t want to overdo it for my first post so…I just spit up.